I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
