Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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