The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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