I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
