You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
