i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
