there was a trapeze. enough said
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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