dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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