Small penises have feelings too.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
