It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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