I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
