dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
