woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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