he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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