New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize