Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize
