wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize