I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
