May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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