How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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