i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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