found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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