Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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