we're blogging at a bar
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
There r osticjed everywhere
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
