If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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