is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Blood and glitter go together right?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize