since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
