I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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