Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
