There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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