I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
