I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
