Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize