Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
