he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
