I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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