Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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