I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
