Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize