Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
