He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
