Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
