birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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