there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i think i just lost a toe
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
