No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
