it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
