just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
