Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
