yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
