gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
