hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
