she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
