i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i came on her dog
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
