Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
