If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
