4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
