I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
