You can't motorboat a personality
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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