Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
