She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
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