im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I wear drunk well.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
