so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
