1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
