Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
