alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
