I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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