he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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