I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize