eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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