She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
