he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
