I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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