my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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