It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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