I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
